It Ain't Always Pretty...: She Wants to Be a Dancer, But Who Says I Want to Be a Stage Mom!?

Every "mom" role is defined in life. There are corporate moms. There are stay at home moms. There are nuts like me who try to combine the two!! There are the skinny moms, the "I married rich" moms, the list goes on..you get my point. But, thanks to the world of TLC, we've been introduced to a whole NEW realm of crazies, the Stage Mom!

Come on, now. We've all watched it. Not because we wanted to, or because we saw the preview and thought, "that's a must see!"...but because as we flipped the channels it hit us like a Mack truck, and even though we were staring at a train wreck, we couldn't rip ourselves away! It sucked us in..and for the next 47 minutes, we watched these crazy women prod, poke, wrestle, and even duct tape their kids into costumes and flippers (you know what they are...you've watched!) only to head on stage and go for the big crown!

And, let's be honest - I don't care who I offend...its my blog - these women have a few things in common:

They are Fat - yep, I said it! Every single one of these moms has got some extra junk in their trunk as they
shove nothing but carrots and water down their kids throats...b/c little Sally Sue can't have any muffin top hanging over her swimwear get up!

They need Mirrors - They spend countless hours and endless money on getting Diamond all ready for the competition with her fake hair, nails and the natural looking spray tan, its about time they find a mirror!!...I'm just saying it'd be a good idea to touch up your own roots while at the stylist and possibly fill in your own gap smile before you buy another flipper for your kid, after all - they're SUPPOSED to have missing teeth!

They suck at Math - These crazy bats will actually rationalize their hobby by spitting off random figures of BriannaBelle's winnings. "She's won over $5000 in the last 7 years..and I've put it all in her college fund!" (College? Aren't you reaching a bit!? I'd be saving up for the T-Top Camero she is BOUND to want!) I am guessing if they would stop spending $2000 per costume and $300 per entry fee, and who knows how much at the salon, and I dont wanna know how much on the pageant coaches...I bet you'd at least DOUBLE that $5k! I'm not a rocket scientist here, but I think I may be on to something! And while you are saving up all that money, you should fix up your TRAILER!

Anywho...so how does this relate to me? (We all know, this is about me, right!?) Because I am deathly afraid I will turn INTO one!

Here is my dilemna...just because Kensington wants to dance, doesn't mean I want to be a Stage Mom! When did I sign up for this!? When did I decide I was going to chase all over town three times a week to get her to practice...only to give up weekends to spend my free time watching the most BORING lyrical dances I have ever seen in my life! (Honestly...has anyone seen a lyrical dance?...if you've seen ONE, you've seen em all!) I don't remember reading this in the fine print of the "Competition Dance" manual!!

I can't do it! I mean, don't get me wrong..I might fit in a few of the categories above (I'm on a diet people, it takes time!) but I refuse to reside in a trailer to finance my daughter's dreams! I mean, I care about my root growth! I can't IGNORE the amount of money I spend each and every month on dance...I have a running calculator in my head....and it aint pretty!  I haven't even had any return on investment at this point... (the first person who says, "her enjoyment is your return" is getting a straight shot to the baby maker!)

I refuse to do it. I wasn't made for this! I am NOT one of those moms! I don't click with them! I have a real life job outside of my child's dance participation. I have things to get done on the weekend...errands to run, laundry to wash and sort, dishes that need dishing!! It's just not ME! I was completely prepared to FIGHT this to the END....

              and then it happened....

Kensington, with such pride, came to me yesterday and showed me her first LOOSE tooth! Any normal mother would be SO excited...this is a milestone, the launch into big kid land!!

Nope - not me! In all the "my baby is such a big girl" excitement, THIS is what creeps in:

"Oh Dear Lord, we have a competition on Saturday! She better not lose that tooth before competition on Saturday!! Oh gosh...she's gonna need a flipper!"

Yep...I give up! I wave my white flag...I surrender

This is my dancer...